Raising A Son to be A Hero

Drew at the Art Museum in Chicago

Drew at the Art Museum in Chicago

Yesterday, our son, Drew, posted on his Brain Wads about how time flies as he completes his first year of marking at DeMoss. In this post he shares thoughts on learning experiences since taking on this position, his personal growth as he has pursued his position at DeMoss and what he looks forward to in the future days with working with the DeMoss Group. As I read his post, I was the typical proud mama!

People have often asked Jim and me what our techniques were when raising Drew. The first thing was we heeded the advice of Jim’s dad/Drew’s grandfather. His advice on the very day Drew entered the world was; ” 1) First of all, love and respect him and 2)this child will do anything you expect him to do.” 

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Jim and I both were big believers in respecting Drew as a person from the get go. He was a child and we were his parents but there was a mutual aire of respect. When we wanted Drew to do something we did not demand he do the task or give orders. We simply would ask politely with a please and thank you. Before entering his room, we would always knock before entering.  If Jim and I expected Drew to respect us, we had to do likewise and respect him.  Looking back, during those rare time when Drew was being disrespectful, when we were honest with ourselves, we could see that the amount of respect coming from us (or the lack thereof) could well have been playing a role in his attitude.

You have heard and seen the commercials about the importance of the family table. There have been studies and documentation on the positive results of a family eating together. No matter how late it may be in the evenings before everyone was home, Drew knew that we would all sit down together, have dinner together, and share our day. I learned real quick that if you want a boy to express what is on his mind, feed him.

Jim and Drew finishing up dinner at Bubba Gumps in Savannah, Georgia  May, 2009

Jim and Drew finishing up dinner at Bubba Gumps in Savannah, Georgia May, 2009

Early mornings were important for Jim and Drew. From about the time Drew was five years old. He would hear his dad get up to start his day. He would go into the family room where Jim would be reading his morning devotional or the morning paper. Drew would climb up in his lap and read with him. Jim didn’t want Drew to ever think he could not approach him at anytime. As Drew got older, their meetings would be early morning at the kitchen table. They would read and discuss current events in the paper and sometimes with their touch of added sarcasm. Now, that Drew is grown, Jim and Drew call each other and talk as the best of friends and that added playful sarcasm (not directed toward each other, mind you) still comes out once in a while in their conversations.

Drew helping Dad at the office

Drew helping Dad at the office

By no means was Drew the perfect child. There were moments that required discipline. However, in the discipline process we would talk with Drew about where the error of judgement took place and the lesson learned. Yet, there was a time or two where reasoning just didn’t work out. One instance was when Drew was in middle school. He was taking too much time primping (yes, boys primp as much as girls) and making his car pool late for school. After many mornings of frustration and pushing Drew out the door and finally getting him out the door, without saying a word, Jim went to Drew’s room and began to remove items. First, the mirror on the wall came down and out. Next, Drew’s stereo and other activities that Drew enjoyed in his room. Then, Jim simply told me that when Drew arrived home to have Drew call him at work if he had any questions. The look on Drew’s face was priceless when he entered his room that afternoon. He turned and looked at me appalled and all I said was; “call Dad.” As Jim talked with Drew over the phone, Jim explained the problem and the solution he took to solve this problem and told Drew that if the problem did not resolve itself that Drew’s bed would be next. Needless to say, being on time became a priority for Drew from there on out.

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Exposure. Jim and I made sure we exposed Drew to the world. Not to say we encouraged him to be of the world but we wanted him to understand the world around him and how to respond with certain issues. There were certain types of music genres, television shows and movies we allowed Drew to watch in our presence. We wanted him to understand the world and wanted him to be well equipped to find the humor and challenges that the world has to offer as .  We felt if he experienced these things in our presence we could share with him what we believed and what we disapproved of and why. Therefore, when he went out in the big world by himself he was not shocked at things he saw or situations he may be put in.

Drew running with his DCXC team in State Meet (they took the title three years in a row)

Drew running with his DCXC team in State Meet (they took the title three years in a row)

Teamwork. Ever since Drew played t-ball as a pre-schooler, Drew wanted to be on a team. I remember him trying out for the Middle School basketball team and didn’t make it. He was so disappointed but a friend invited him to run on the cross-country team. Both his Middle School and High School teams were blessings to Drew’s life and ours. He had wonderful Christian coaches that not only coached him and his teammates in running but they coached them about life and gave them a solid foundation for life.

Settle Memorial

Church was another important part of our raising Drew. We made sure that he was involved in church activities as well as ourselves being involved. If we expected Drew to be at church then we should be at church. In other words, walk the talk we were giving. It is being involved in church activities where Drew also learned the value of having good Christian friends, people you can lean on and who will pray for you and with you. It is this teaching that helped Drew when we moved away from home. When he went to college one of the first things he did was call us and tell us he found a church. He did the same when he moved to Chicago and Atlanta.

Not only was going to church and being involved in church important in raising our son, Drew. But it was important to us that Drew had experiences like going to church camps and mission trips. It is in these environments where Drew learned how to initiate conversations with people he did not know, learn about other people, their lives and experiences. These experiences also taught Drew the importance of being a good listener and reaching out beyond his comfort zone at times.

Discussing Sand Castle Ideas

Drew & Jim @ Vero Beach Florida

Listening. As parents we want our children to listen to us, our advice, views and what we have to say. Yet, our children have things on their hearts and minds they need to share. Jim and I tried to keep an environment where Drew knew he could come to us and we would listen with unconditional ears. It is this unconditional listening that brought trust into our relationship with Drew.

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Expectation. This where I started my post on raising a son. Jim and I strongly believed, and still do believe,  that not only will a child do what you expect him to but they will do as long as they see you walk your talk. In other words, if we expected his room to be clean, our room had better be clean. If we expected him to be ready to walk out the door a certain time, we better be ready as well.

I came across a quote not long ago that sums up the Hawkins’ philosophy of raising a son;

“You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. And, if you treat them like sons, they turn out to be heroes, even if it’s in your own eyes.” Walter M. Schirra, Sr.

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I raised a son who I am quite proud of. Along the way he has taught me more than a few things. It is to Drew I owe a thank you for encouraging me to blog. It is in my blogging I have heard so many stories from other people and have reached people who I never dreamed I would reach.  Drew came into the world as my son but in my eyes he is a hero.  He is a hero that I greatly admire and respect.

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Raising a son or sons? Remember these two things: 1) always love them and respect them and 2)  they will do what you expect them to do.  Right now, they may seem to be just a son to you but one day you will look up at them and see a hero.

Check out Drew’s blog on his Web Site Brain Wads….the link below will take you to his post.

One Year At The DeMoss Group

http://www.brainwads.net/drewhawkins/2013/07/one-year-at-the-demoss-group/#.UfBxbNJJNbI

 

The 9mm bullet from that day I keep at my desk

Chili Dogs and Bullets. Just a Day at the Office.

Below is a guest post written by my son Drew about an experience he had a couple of years ago.

The 9mm bullet from that day I keep at my desk

It was part of my weekly routine.

For just under two years, I had worked at Hinda Incentives, whose office was tucked into a neighborhood on the south side of Chicago. Sure, weird things happened there from time to time. There were a couple of bullet holes in the side of the building. Younger kids often tried to get me to buy them beer while I walked to the train. Occasionally there was a guy high as a kite. Other than that, it really didn’t feel that dangerous during the day. All that “weird stuff” happened at night, well beyond closing time.

Right?

Around once a week I would walk to a Nicky’s, a hot dog stand around the corner from the office, for my chili dog special. Two chili dogs, a basket of fries and a Coke for $4.75. For a guy, living on a shoestring budget in Chicago, this was a treat. You couldn’t beat this deal, or the following heartburn. Worth it every time.

Recovering from a long trip

Still one of my favorite places to eat in Chicago. Cheap lunch!

This particular afternoon, I was hungover from a looooong night of flying. I had landed in Chicago about 2:30 am the night before from interviewing for my eventual job at Engauge in Atlanta. Due to storms, both the ATL and my connecting CLT airport had closed and I had spent all night finding a way to get back to Chicago. After sprinting through airports, barely making onto planes before the gates closed and flying on two very turbulent flights, I was second guessing God’s plan for me to move to Atlanta.

If my trip home was this rough, did He really want me to move there? Would Atlanta be the right decision if I was offered a job or was God using the storm to tell me otherwise?

Anyway, it’s the next day and I’m falling asleep at my desk. Lunchtime comes around and since I obviously didn’t pack lunch on three hours of sleep, I thought a stroll to Nicky’s would be a good way to wake up and reward a hard night. I earned a few chili dogs dangit. I even contemplated splurging on an italian beef sandwich as I stumbled groggily down the street.

Crash

I noticed a couple of guys walking past me and thinking “they look too young to not be in school. Where are their parents? Why do I sound like already sound like an old man in my mind?” A car pulled up to the curb beside us and they hopped in. I kept on walking when I heard a loud CRASH. I turned around to see a Jeep had plowed into the side of their car, pushing it up on the sidewalk about 5 feet behind me.

That woke me up.

I turned around and began to walk back towards the car, hoping the folks inside were okay. Then I noticed that the Jeep wasn’t letting up on his brakes…the car was still moving and the guy behind the wheel of the Jeep looked angry. Not like a “I just got in a wreck” anger but “I’m going to kill these guys in the car” type of look. Recognizing that this wasn’t a situation I needed to be directly involved in, I quickly turned around and started to power walk to the convenience store up ahead to make a call. The Jeep eventually laid off its target and sped off in my direction.

POP POP POP POP POP!

I turned around and saw the guys from the other car already out on the curb with pistols in their hands, shooting at the Jeep. As the Jeep started down the street in my direction, making a turn towards me, I quickly realized that I was standing in between the guns and their intended target. So I did what any normal person would do.

And ducked.

I ran into a front yard and dove behind a set of concrete steps waiting for them to move on. In my mind I couldn’t wrap my head around what was going on – and the fact that it was all happening in broad daylight. The guys eventually ran right past me in pursuit of the Jeep. Once they passed me, I quickly sprinted the other direction back to the office.

Once I was almost at the office, I thought I heard yelling and noticed that the same guys with guns were coming out of the alley in my path. We literally almost collided into each other had I not ducked behind another parked car. I made it back to the office, called the cops and ate a bag of chips until my boss told me to go home.

I went home a little after 1pm and went straight to sleep. No debriefing with anyone. I went home to my little studio apartment, laid down and slept hard. I woke up and had a brief 10 minute chat with my dad about what happened because I knew he wouldn’t freak out. I wasn’t really freaked out as much as I was in a “did that really just happen?”phase. I couldn’t tell my fiancee Megan, my mom or any other family and friends because I didn’t want that story to get out and get people worried. I think I spent the rest of the night eating frozen pizza and watching Arrested Development alone in my apartment.

The Next Day

I drove to work the next day…not taking my usual El train/walk commute. With good reason, still a bit shell shocked. That afternoon, I was still craving a hot dog so my co-worker Adam and I walked together to Nicky’s. When we got to where the events happened the day before, I told him where I was, where the (assumed) gang members got hit and were shooting. He said “hey, let’s see if we can find any shells,” still skeptical of my story. We went to the grassy spot and there they were: shells and live 9mm rounds.

I picked up a bullet, stuck it in my pocket and kept it with me ever since. When I eventually told Megan in person several weeks later, I don’t think she believed me until I pulled the bullet out of my wallet. Even mom was a little shocked until I told her and provided my 9mm evidence.

Oh yeah…also that next day? I was offered a job at Engauge. Accepted it on the spot. When the recruiter Dave asked if I needed a day to think about it, I replied “Dave, here’s what happened yesterday…” I’m pretty sure God gave me his answer on moving to Atlanta. That story also gave me a bit of a reputation going into my first day at work, since that story had been told by several folks in the agency prior to my arrival.

The bullet? I still keep it on my desk. Why? I know, no matter what kind of day I’m having at work…no matter how bad it may be…it could always be worse.

How about that for perspective?

April’s son Drew is the Director of Digital and Social Media at The DeMoss Group, the largest faith-based PR agency in the nation. He lives in Atlanta with his wife Megan and their dog Theo.

Living on a Prayer

“God, I ask that you place your angels of protection around Drew and Megan throughout the night tonight and throughout the day tomorrow. Walk with them and keep your angels of protection around them in their cars, parking lots, parking garages, the streets, street corners, the subway and subway stations, their buildings where they work, and  parking lots and garages. No matter where they go please surround them and feather them with your mighty protection from ALL harm and evil and ALL harm and evil people.”

This is part of my nightly bedtime prayer. As you know, I am a BIG believer in prayer. All through my growing up and now in my adult life, I have experienced prayers answered. Yes, there have been times when I have wondered if God was really on the job. Yet, events happen or someone shares an experience with me and I immediately see God’s divine intervention.

My son, Drew

There are personal stories/testimonies I could share with you. Yet, there is an event that took place  in Chicago with my son, Drew in March of 2011. It is an event that Drew shared with me on the day of his 24th birthday as we celebrated in a restaurant in Chicago. It is a story that as he began to tell me, I thought he and his dad were in collaboration in pulling the wool over my eyes. But, as his story unfolded and what he showed me at the end of sharing of this event gave me chills. It is a story where I saw God and his angels had been on the job.

The next post will be by my son, Drew. He will be guest writing on Thoughts From The Porch. He will be sharing the event that took place. It is an event that opened our family’s eyes of God at work and that he has a plan and purpose for us all.

As you read his post, keep this Psalm in the back of your mind and imprinted on your heart.

Psalm 91

New International Version (NIV)

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”

Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

Stay tuned…..more thoughts on prayer are to come.

Just Be Quiet

“I said to myself, ‘Relax and rest. God has showered you with blessings.” Psalm 116:7-8 –The Message-

Drew laying down on the Sky Deck of the Sears/Willis Tower
Chicago, IL

A few years ago, our son, Drew moved to Chicago to get his first taste of being out on his own and to begin his career. Of course, Chicago was a big change of scenery from the small town where he grew up. Along with this decision of moving to Chicago, he wanted to be in the heartbeat of the city. Thus, locating an apartment in Wrigleville, refusing to take a car up and using nothing but public transportation and the two good feet that God gave him to walk/run.

On one of our first trips up to be with Drew and to help him finish up with his move, we were suddenly caught up in the sights and sounds of the city.  Drew’s apartment was not too far from the El which meant you could hear the train running day and night. Not only could you hear the train running 24/7 but the noise of traffic, people yelling and whistling for a cab was constant. As much as it was fun, entertaining and fascinating, Jim and I would always look forward to retrieving to our quiet hotel room at the end of the day.

Drew staring at the very painting that Ferris stares at in the movie

One of the must see on our bucket list for Chicago was the Chicago Art Institute. Jim and I both have always had an appreciation for all types of artwork. And, I knew that I would see up close some of the pieces that I had studied in history/art classes during my college days. Along with the mentioned reasons for going to the Art Institute, it is also the scene for one of the Hawkins’ favorite movies, Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.

Jim, Drew and I  slowly strolled through the museum looking at paintings, sculptures and other displays. Drew would  tell us about the artist, the story behind the piece of artwork and the time period of which it was created. As we stood and admired a piece of artwork, I commented to Drew how impressed I was in his knowledge for the pieces displayed in the museum and the artist. I went on to comment that he must have paid close attention in those art appreciation classes he had taken while in school. His reply was; ” yes, some of that I learned in school has come in handy but a lot of my knowledge has come from coming here to the Art Museum on the weekends.”  “The city is so noisy that I have to get out of the noise to think, reflect and to enjoy the quiet.”

Noise. It is all around every single one of us. We are all surrounded by the noises of the television, radio, cell phones, chatter at work, traffic and this list goes on.  Yesterday, the television had been on most of the day. Some of the time I did not even really know what was on or what was being talked about. It was simply noise in the background. Yet, late in the afternoon, it felt as though the sounds from the television were getting louder and louder. It was causing me to have a hard time to think and it was not helping the painful headache that I was trying to conquer at the time. So, I said to myself; “enough!” and turned the television off.

Ah, the sound of quiet! The simple sound of nothing was amazing. In this quiet, I began hearing the lyrics to the song “None but Jesus”  speak to my heart.  In this process of hearing this particular song go through my mind and touch my heart, I realized that God was wanting time with me.

Life gets noisy at times.  These days, it seems noise prevails 24/7 just like the El train runs through Chicago. It is easy to get caught up in the noise. As we get caught up in the noise, we tend to learn to adjust and tune it out.  The result of our adjusting to the noise and tuning it out is that  we tune out something or should I say some things that are truly important. We can easily begin to tune out God and His voice and what He wants to say to us and our hearts. Not only do we tune out God’s voice speaking to us but we can miss  the opportunity to talk to Him.

Along with tuning God out, missing opportunity to talk to God, we can easily miss the blessing God gives us every day when we get caught up in the noise. These opportunities include the sounds of children playing outside, the birds singing, just having a conversation with your spouse, family and/or friends. Other blessings that come from tuning out the noise, are that  we can see what really matters most, recharge our batteries and experience God’s constant presence around us.

We saw deer grazing as we strolled along one of the pathways at our last visit to Mammoth Cave.

The Hawkins’ Cabin: The house that love built. “Joy is not of love by which you can catch souls…We can do no great things-only small things with GREAT love.” Mother Teresa

Jim’s mom and dad have a beautiful cabin by a lake. In years past, life has been so busy that we haven’t gotten to take advantage of it as we should. However, this year, Jim and I decided to change that record and get down there more. We have kept that commitment and it has been wonderful. One of the things that we like to do while we are at the lake is to go over to Mammoth Cave National Park and have dinner in their restaurant. After dinner, we like to stroll along one of the walking paths that takes you to an opening of one of the caves. We love to sit there in the quiet. and enjoy the cool air coming up out of the cave, people watch and simply enjoy the sounds of nature around us. Instead of getting caught up in the noise, we get  caught up in the quiet.

Noise. Haven’t you had enough of it? My challenge for  you today is to take at least a half an hour and turn off the television, the radio, the cell phone and anything else that makes noise and listen to the quiet.  Ah, quiet…..what do you hear and who do you hear?

 

Blessings

Wise Guy

In my previous post, I share about the Pearl of a Girl who was added to our family strand almost a year ago. Just as I looked up the meaning of Megan’s name, I continued on and looked up the meaning for Drew. Of course our Drew’s full name is Andrew.  Here is what I found; Drew has a Welch origin. The short form of Andrew and it means “wise.”

In raising Drew, I was faced with many challenges that come with raising a boy. Grass stains that magically jumped up on his pants as he would explain why his good pants had stains. Loud noises and sometimes rude noises that I would immediately attempt to put a stop to. And, then there were things Drew would say out of the blue that would make Jim and me realize that he was sometimes wise beyond his years and sometimes actually knew a little more than we did. Yes, challenging!!

Drew was the type of child where Jim and I would have to draw straws to see who was going to do the punishing when Drew did get into mischief. You see, Drew had a way of looking at us and breaking us as we were attempting to correct/lecture him. One of us would have to do the confrontation/punishing while the other was in the other room with their face buried in a pillow laughing while it was all going down in the other room.  Drew had and still does have a quick wit and tongue.

Yet, Drew has always been a child that Jim and I have great admiration for. He is always calculating, analyzing and researching before he makes any decision. For example, Drew did not actually start walking on his own until he was about twelve months old. However, we knew he could walk at six months. The reason we knew he could is because you could give him the thinnest  of thread to hold on to and he would walk. Yet, he had to have it perfected in his mind before he would reveal that he actually knew how to walk.

We have watched Drew make life decisions in the same way. He would bounce a thought our way to see what input we would have but then would not pursue the issue as far as we knew. Yet, all the while Drew was gathering facts, and information to make the best decision. He did this as he prepared to start his career life in Chicago, as he moved to Atlanta last year and as he made he most current move to the DeMoss Group.

Jim and I have a lot of respect for our son, Drew. He reminds us so much of Jim’s dad.  Jim, Sr is the type of man where people seek his advice and value his opinion. He is a man of wisdom.  They are both kind of like the old commercial that was on years ago; “When EF Hutton speaks, everyone listens.” 

Jim and I are proud of all of the decisions that Drew has made through the years. Yet, the decision to marry Megan has to be one of our proudest out of all of his accomplishments. It was only after a few visits with Megan that we knew that Drew was calculating something far more than a friendship. He was looking ahead at  a life-time friendship, relationship and partner to walk with him the rest of his life.

Drew getting ready to propose to Megan

Just as I looked up scripture that went with Megan’s name, I did the same for Drew. Have I not command you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

Jim and I know that in ALL  the decisions Drew has been faced with that he has faced each one with confidence and great courage. He is a man who walks with God each and every day. It is because Drew has exemplified these characteristics over time that we know without a doubt that he will always watch and do what is best for his family. Most importantly, Drew will do everything it takes to take care of his “Pearl of a Girl”, Megan. Yes, Jim and I consider Drew a very ‘wise guy.’  

Drew had just popped the question!

A Pearl of a Girl

It was  three years ago when Drew had graduated from college and had been invited to attend the wedding of one of his college friends.  As he made plans for this special weekend, he told his dad and me that he would need a date for this occasion and he had a “friend” he would like to ask come stay the weekend. Yet,  when Jim and I heard about this “friend” our ears definitely perked up. Of course, Drew continued to emphasize that she was only a “friend.”

The weekend  came and this “friend”, Megan,  arrived at our door. However, when she arrived, I was out still doing some errands but soon after my arrival home, Drew introduced me to his new friend, Megan. The moment I met Megan I knew that there was something special about her. As the weekend progressed with activities, I noticed the way Megan looked at Drew whenever he would talk or do other things that this gal was more than a “friend.” She was something special.

During this weekend, Jim had to be on duty at the hospital so he did not get the chance to interact or get to know Megan as I had the opportunity to do. At the end of the weekend, Megan loaded her car to head back home to Ft. Mitchell.  Drew began his job search that eventually landed him in Chicago. In the midst of this process,  Jim asked me if I thought this friendship was more than friendship. I gave Jim my assessment and said, “I do think she is the one and she is definitely a pearl of a girl.

Over time, as Jim and I got to know Megan, we learned that she loves pearls. This made her even more of a girl after my heart. Sweet, simple and a girl who knows that pearls can go with anything! Loved it!  And, still love it!

Then, as  Jim and I were on vacation a few weeks ago, we stumbled upon these name cards with the meaning of names. Of course we had to see if there was a Megan and a Drew. We did not find Megan but we found a Meg. On this card it said that Meg meant pearl. Then as I prepared to write this post, I looked up the name Megan.  Megan in its Greek origin means pearl. And, Megan in its Welch origin means “little pearl.”

Jim and I smiled when we read this meaning of Megan. It was on August 6, 2011, that our family added a pearl to our family strand. Ever since the first day of meeting Megan, Jim and I have been blessed with the sweetness of Megan’s smile and spirit. Yet, most importantly, Drew has been blessed to have such a  compassionate, sweet, and loving partner to walk by his side throughout life.

Megan and Drew on their wedding day

Yes, a few years ago Drew told Jim and I about this “friend.” I understand after his first date with this “friend” that when it was time to say good-night, Drew said to Megan; ” see you later Pal!” Yet, this friend is so much more to Drew and to our family. This “friend” by the name of Megan  has become a pearl  in our hearts and our new family member.

Furthermore, as I looked up the meaning of Megan, I looked up the scripture that goes with her name. “O house of Jacob, come, let us walk in the light of the Lord!” Isaiah 2:5  Megan is not only a pearl added to our family strand but she definitely exemplifies this scripture. She is a lady that walks and lives in the example of her God. What else could a mom and dad ask for?

Lead to Follow

The other day I came across a sign that said;Train up a child in the way he should go, and “make sure you are going that way, too.”  Of course the earlier part of this statement comes from Proverbs 6:22 and the last part of this statement hits the nail on the head with us parents.  As parents, we are commissioned to care, love and nurture our children.

Parenting these days is not an easy job. As a matter of fact, Jim and I have noticed how the world has changed drastically since our son, Drew graduated high school and, for the most part, college.  There are so many influences out there both good and bad. Of course, we want our children to be exposed to the good influences and shielded from the bad ones.

How do we raise our children in such a way? First, we must pray with our children and for our children. As Drew was approaching his middle school years, a dear  friend in my Sunday School class at the time encouraged me along with others to pray Psalm 91 daily for our children. This is a Psalm for protection.

Second, as parents we must be willing to do what we expect our children to do. For example, Jim was listening to Dr. James Dobson. As he listened he heard Dr. Dobson give this advice. “If we expect our children to clean their rooms, then we need to make sure our rooms are just as clean.”  In other words, our expectations, words and actions better match what we are telling and expecting from our children. To me, children are probably the first to pick up on hypocrisy and they are watching and taking notes more than we can ever realize.

Third, we need to encourage our children to read the scriptures and teach them how to experience and hear God’s voice within the scriptures and in their daily walk. When our son, Drew turned 13, Jim’s gift to Drew was to open the bible to the book of Proverbs and told Drew that this is the best advice he could give him as a dad. Apparently, Drew did as he was advised from his dad because now when I am tempted to color or highlight my hair Drew quotes Proverbs 20:29 “The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old.”  

Fourth, we must realize that our children are given to us for a short period of time. Yes, as parents,we wish we could slow down time and keep them for a little longer. We must realize, though, that God placed them into our hands for a short period of time and then the time comes for us to place them back into the hands of God.

This last lesson was not an easy one for me being a mom of an only child. I will never forget Drew coming home and telling me he wanted to move to Chicago after he graduated college. Of course, the selfish part of me wanted him to move back to the small town he grew up in and live just a few minutes down the street. But deep within my soul, I knew that my role was about to change significantly as a parent and now it was time for Drew to follow God’s voice. Drew knew that God had a plan for him in Chicago and he had to go.  He lived in Chicago for almost two years and then God opened other doors of opportunities for him in Atlanta where he and his wife currently reside.

As hard as it was to let go and let Drew leave, I knew that I would not be leading by example if I hung on to the apron strings and tried to persuade Drew to stay close to home. After all, my husband and I have always lived away from family and I grew up living away from family. I knew the drill and all that would be involved in Drew’s living away from home.  As Drew packed to leave the nest, I prayed that I had shown him how to survive when family was not around. Along with learning how to bloom where he was planted, he needed to know that the people you surround yourself with away from home soon become your family.

At this moment as I write this post, there is someone’s child announcing to their family that they will be venturing out to new places and opportunities. I know that selfishness wants to kick in and convince that child how they need to stay close to home. But it is so important that the child be supported and respected in their decision. If it is in their decision to venture out, they need to be influenced by the leadership that raised them, following their God who created them in His image.

Yes, there are days when I wish we lived in more simple times. It would sure be simple to have family just a minute down the road and I didn’t have to plan months and/ or a year in advance to see them again.  But, our world is rapidly changing and opportunities for our children seem to be taking them to places that we would have never have dreamed about going to when we were their age.

Looking back in  our Christian heritage, I recall a group of twelve men who were asked to drop everything to follow their Master. Yes, they had families that they left to follow the call of God. These twelve men saw first hand of what it meant to lead and to follow. I am sure that they missed their families at times and wished they could run down the street to check in with them.  Though they missed their families,  they experienced miracles, blessings and God up close and personal. What an opportunity they had been given! As parents, I would like to think that we would want the same for our children. By letting go and placing them into God’s hands, we are allowing God to give them opportunities, life lessons, and a chance to experience their Master up close and personal.

My last piece of advice from one parent to another is to continue to pray for them. I encourage you to pray Psalm 91 over them daily. Again, my son, Drew is twenty-five and married but there is not a day that I don’t pray Psalm 91 not only for him but for his sweet wife, Megan, too.  It is in praying this daily over them  that gives me strength to keep placing them and trusting them in the Master’s hand as they follow Him.

“Are you leading your children to follow their Master?” and Are you going the same direction you are telling your children to go?  Take this thought with you; “our actions and reactions will make or break our relationship with our children in the years to come.”  How about it? Lead to follow?

Blessings

** I highly recommend the book,  Leaving the Light On by John Trent Ph. D and Gary Smalley.